Remembering Those Whom Make Our Lives So Wonderful

The leaves have turned from their bright and cherry greens to the reds, ambers, oranges and yellows, and even though they are no longer alive, their beauty as they fill our streets and lawns is unsurpassable. Autumn is officially here, bringing with it the colder temperatures, pumpkin spice lattes, football, and the holiday spirit that perfectly encompasses this pleasant transition into winter. Furthermore, it is almost Thanksgiving, one of the most iconic holidays of the year marked by more football, grand feasts, and togetherness with friends and family. Like the leaves whose beauty doesn’t falter after life, it is important this Thanksgiving to take some time, truly show thanks to those around you, and practice a little gratitude for what they have done for you.

 

           

 “When you practice gratefulness, there is a sense of respect towards others” – Dalai Lama

           

 In the rapid speeds of our lives, composed of paying bills, working a job, getting enough sleep, eating well, getting exercise, spending time with family, taking care of the house, and the million other things that we try to pack into our short days, it is quite easy to continually focus on our own personal happiness instead of showing our appreciation for others. Gratitude is defined as the quality of being thankful, as well as the readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness, and this idea of gratitude has proved to be a major component of not only personal happiness, but of a greater vision of a complete and fulfilling life. Known around the world as a great inspiration and much more, the Dalai Lama has focused on the idea of gratitude as a major component of his theories and wisdom, and in turn helping us cope with the finite nature of our lives and to make our lives much more fruitful. The process to truly feel and show gratitude not only for your loved ones, but everyone is actually quite simple, and it doesn’t require a life-altering change, a switch to Buddhism, or anything else for that matter.

            As stated wonderfully by the Dalai Lama:

          

   “"Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can."

           

 While sitting around the Thanksgiving table, it may seem awkward and it may take a bit of courage, but telling your aunt that you haven’t seen in a couple of years and who is really taking to the wine strongly that you really enjoy seeing her here not only does wonders for her, but it also serves to increase your happiness, confidence, and mental well being. No matter if it is your brother, your best friend, your aging great-grandmother, or anyone, take some time to simply be grateful and make sure that you tell them this. 

Furthermore, if you think that this is just a bunch of spirituality hoo-hah and you really dread being forced in the same room with much of your family, you should take a look on how being grateful scientifically benefits the mind. Known as “The Science of Happiness – An Experiment in Gratitude”, this experiment takes a handful of participants and asks them to take a variety of questionnaires and happiness tests. These marks are scored, and afterwards, these same participants are asked to think of someone who really has made a change in their lives, someone who was really influential and important. The participants then had to write down as much as they could about this person. However, unsuspecting to the participants, they were asked to call this person and read their “letter”. Further happiness tests were scored after the phone call, and the results from this experiment were astounding, resulting in a 4 to 19-percent increase in happiness for those who made contact with their influential person.

If you would like, you can watch the full experiment here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHv6vTKD6lg

As a supplement to this experiment, the Dalai Lama also made a point to say, “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”

           

With these various aspects in mind, it is clear that every day you have a choice on how you want to make your life better and brighter. However, this isn’t only about you. Happiness, love, and gratitude are like a contagion that could grow into an epidemic if distributed properly. As winter approaches, you are fully aware of how a simple cold can spread to everybody in the office, all the students at school, and just everywhere you go. Well, it is the same concept for happiness and gratitude, and therefore, showing others how much they mean to you in your life almost forces others to do the same. Soon enough, your uncle will start showing you how much you have meant to him over the years, as well as your brothers and sisters. Your siblings, in turn, might show their appreciation to your father; your father makes of move to show how much he loves your mother…and so on and so on. 

          

  There is a lot to be said about gratitude, and as Thanksgiving rolls around and your favorite football team takes on their main rivals, while a full turkey marinated in gravy sits in the oven, while your mother frantically tries to get everything ready in time, just do one thing to show someone how much you appreciate them in your life. Not only will you feel better, but also you might discover a little different ambience at the dinner table where everyone has decided that they wouldn’t rather be anywhere else at this moment.

           

  

“The various features and aspects of human life, such as longevity, good health, success, happiness, and so forth, which we consider desirable, are all dependent on kindness and a good heart.” – Dalai Lama

In Remembrance of Those Loved: Death and Funeral Culture of Italy

When most people think of Italy, the first things that come to mind include world-renowned pasta and pizza, the vast Roman Empire of history that literally shaped civilization as we know it today, the Mafia culture from the rolling Sicilian hills that emit the quaint and subtle waves of aromatic olives, and so much more. Of course, there are many wonderful things about Italy that linger in deep cultural practices, and regarding the Italian funeral culture and the general views of death, Italy is certainly a place of sophistication, romanticism, and wonder.

 

However, funerals and death in Italy are certainly a world away from tribal practices and mysticism in other parts of the world, and because of the deeply-rooted Catholic views of the country, many other Christian nations have developed similar practices throughout their histories. With this being said, many people will recognize many Italian funeral rituals, such as a beautifully conducted last rite, prayer vigils, a funeral liturgy, and Catholic Mass. At these events, you can expect to see and meet the entire family, friends, community members, and anyone else who wishes to pay tribute to the recently departed. Additionally, the traditional color of dress for the entire funeral process is black, a custom very typical of several Christian funeral services across the globe. No matter if you aren't intimately related to the dead, you always have the chance to say a few words if you'd like as well.

 According to Italian customs, the casket is typically open during the funeral service and it is customary to actually give the deceased a little kiss on the cheek, which is a prominent mode of giving respect and showcasing love for the life once lived with such vibrancy and honor. After the funeral services, which are typically ordained with chrysanthemums and a wide range of colorful flora, many of the mourners gather at the gravesite.

With some services, each person will walk up and throw a handful of dirt or a flower on top of the casket, tearfully saying goodbye just one more time. Unfortunately, this practice has slowed down due to the dire lack of graveyard space, and actually finding some grave space is definitely considered as a precious item. Therefore, most interments are held within a stunning mausoleum that transcends the typical and ancient architecture that Italy is so famous for. Surrounding these mausoleums, all of which are a work of art on their own, the dead get to rest peacefully in calm, serene, and green settings ordained with quaint roads cutting through the graveyard, towering trees with branches over-arching the walkways, and subtle beauties in every direction.

Although these funeral services seem quite normal, there is definitely a much stronger community outreach regarding the loved ones who have died, especially in the smaller villages. In honor of those recently deceased, it is not uncommon to discover a range of posters featuring the news about the dead and information regarding the funeral, much like the obituaries found in a newspaper. However, unlike newspaper obituaries, these posters can be found plastered all over the town, providing a sense that they are more like election posters as opposed to the grave news of a recent death.

On top of the funeral rituals and the heaps of loving respect to the dead, Italians continue to base many of their practices over one of the most important factions of their culture: food. Once news of a death has hit family members, friends, neighbors, and anyone else, piles of incredible dishes will start rolling in. Especially during a social gathering to commemorate the dead, you should probably expect to receive so much pasta, casserole, wine, and other foods that you will be eating quite well for an entire week. Food is deeply engrained into Italian culture, and it is reserved as an important aspect of life, friendship, and love. Therefore, when the sadness and tragedy surrounding death turns its head on a family, food serves as a powerful way to bring people together and vivaciously celebrate with heart, sympathy, and joy.

Not only are the funeral services extraordinarily beautiful, eliciting memories that won’t soon be forgotten by anyone who attended, but also there is this final idea about death the permeates fair superstitions that lingers along the edge of empathy and gravity. Basically, once a person has died, many Italians do not want their soul to return to Earth. In fact, this superstition still exists, and according to beliefs, the soul actually doesn’t want to leave the Earth.

If you were to think about this with an open mind, it actually makes sense. The soul has all of his or her friends, family, loved ones, articles of nostalgia, possessions, and virtually anything else still on the Earth; why would the soul want to leave all this behind for something a little more new and intimidating in front of him or her. Therefore, it is not uncommon for surviving family and friends to bury the recently departed with a range of his or her favorite possessions. Furthermore, and this might sound a bit strange and fairly difficult to do, many Italians actually stray from speaking about the dead immediately after the initial period of mourning. For these Italians, actually talking about the dead might encourage them to not actually leave the Earth.
 In fact, these superstitions are quite prominent in many Italian cities, as when my friend Daniel went to go take photos of the beauty and glory of the Italian cemeteries, he was refused entry with his camera. As he found out, taking photos would be showing appreciation of the dead, giving them a reason to return to this Earth. Additionally, it would have been quite the challenge to even get into the cemetery with a camera to take some photos discretely, as all of the cemeteries in Palermo, Sicily, had a large gate blocking the entry with a security guard screening all those who entered. In the end, Daniel refused to take the photos even if he was able to enter, as this would have turned into a great disrespect for all of those resting souls. This short experience truly showcased everything he had learned from his research in a way that couldn't be told by anyone except the security guards themselves.

Daniel has been living throughout Italy for a while now, and from his time in several regions he has been learning all about the culture around death, and from what he has told me, he can only express everything that he has experienced in one strong word: gravity. Like many of the things that Italians do, there is definitely a strong level of community and passion regarding the dead. For me, this passion serves as a quaint introduction into the various artistic levels that can also commemorate the beauty of the lives that have passed. From the wealth of stunning chrysanthemums to the aromas of food swirling like steam above colorful plates of assorted pastas, Italian culture has once again touched my heart in ways that I have never thought possible. Even in death, there is nothing but undying respect and strong showcases of love, and as a way to make sure that the dead retain in the hearts and minds of those who continue forward, the Italians surely know how to bring beautiful gravity.

Time Perspective: The Dismal and the Beautiful in a Mexican Cemetery

Whenever I take a trip on down to Mexico to see my family, there is a particular cemetery that I just have to visit or else I’ll feel somewhat empty when I return home. I know that spending some time in a cemetery all by myself sounds either a bit crazy or morbidly grotesque, but for me there is something unique, strange, and captivatingly beautiful about this cemetery in particular.

Explaining why I am drawn to the cemetery can be quite difficult, as many of the attractive qualities that I find there come from within me and can’t be properly transmitted into words. However, from the beauty of the outstretched lawns created from the transference of life to the stunning architecture that deserves much more than a second glance, I’ve discovered this varied perspective of time that blends together the past, present, and future.  These experiences in the Mexican cemetery that I have had have forced me to think a little more about time.

In short, time is basically this precious commodity. Though our time can be purchased, after all we get paid at our jobs and careers according to how much time we
invest at work, it is a resource that is in constant depletion.

In the United States especially, we tend to view time in segments,
sections on a clock between one task and another. Being “prompt and
willing to work late” are valuable assets on a resume. Arriving to the
workplace late or taking extra time on lunch may be grounds for losing a job.

Other parts of the world have built their culture around an entirely different understanding of time. A sign may hang on a pharmacy door in Mexico that says, “Closed for lunch, be back at 1:00.” In reality, that sign may mean, “Closed for lunch, be back when I’m done eating.”

After my getaway in Mexico, it was evident that despite cultural norms,
modifying time around what is really valuable is a nothing short of a skill that also requires time to master. While jogging through neighborhoods and past these cemeteries, I was reminded again and again that time is limited and it is up to no one but ourselves to
decide how, where, or with whom we spend it.

The Mexican cemeteries served as another reminder why I am so grateful to be producing my time-capturing works of art with Love Ashes. Fortunately, there is inspiration everywhere, and sometimes I get caught up with the time I need to spend working and forget to open my eyes, ears, and my heart just a little more. As the warm breeze blows through the trees and over the silent graves, it is definitely possible to listen to all of the stories from the past. When all of these stories combine into a cohesive thesis, the lives of those past speak about love, accomplishments, sufferings, and most importantly, fragmented moments of joy.

I’m aware that it sounds fruity and strange, but if you look closely at the following pictures, you too can absorb these histories and inspirations for the life around you. Everything that creates the ambience of these cemeteries, especially the architecture, just showcases how much time and detail is spent on allowing the dead to continue to live. Even when our loved ones physically leave our sides, throughout all of the tears and sadness, there is always joy in the remembrance that we could spend some time and get to know the ones we loved. 

As a man laid down flowers at the bottom of the grave, his face remained dismal and pale of happiness, but nonetheless there was pure evidence that he was happy once to know this person. It could have been a son, daughter, mother, aunt, love, or friend, and the existence of this person never left. At Love Ashes, we strive to prolong memory and promote the continuance of these lives. Losing a loved one is never easy, but perhaps there is a little peace and perspective that comes with the thought of a loved one, no matter where they may be nowadays.

Time will continue to flow in a linear direction, but while strolling through and past the Mexican graveyards, it is hard to tell which way time is heading, but for the time being, think about who it is in your life that you love; even if you love them just a little, go spend some time with them.